Why I Dislike Bill Bryson

While there are manifold reasons that I do not take a 'shine' to Bill Bryson, a few of them stand out as reasons for this intense dislike of mine more than others. Here I will attempt to elucidate them for you, in an effort to validate my own feelings, rather than sway you of yours. I'm sure that this fellow is a jolly type of Santa Claus figure, but during the course of the book, I went from a mild interest to my current status of distaste. First of all, I'd like to look at the book itself, from a factual point of view. Then we shall wander through the time leading up to, on, and after the AT, specifically in connection with references to this book. Finally, I'd like to mention a minute detail that shocked me into disbelief when I stumbled upon it during my read of 'Walk in the Woods'.
Bill Bryson made up things in his book. The one glaring example is Katz, a rather portly gentleman who accompanies him and does some rather ridiculous things. His sidekick is not a real person. Bill Bryson wanted a comic foil, so he created the ‘anti-hiker’ as this person, and placed them on the trail beside him. I realize that fiction is allowed to take liberties, but the majority of people are going to not realize that it is a created work, rather than an experiential one. Please note: *spoiler alert, if you haven't read this work* Katz, on the trail, throws away a water bottle, not once, but twice. The second time is after they've purportedly already done about 200 miles, which is enough time to realize that you don't throw away water bottles. You dump them out, you don't bring them in the first place, but you don't throw your water away. The fact that this character is fabricated opened a wide hole for me. What else in the book is completely fictitious? Are there other events that are made up? Other people? The whole hike? Once the fact and fiction were mixed, I had a hard time continuing with any sort of subjectivity. Every event had a shadow of doubt cast upon its veracity.
When Caleb and I were preparing for the Trail, during our time on it, and even now, I'll be asked with regularity: Have you read 'A Walk in the Woods'? Now that i have, I can say yes. However, the AT itself and 'A Walk in the Woods are so far removed from each other, excepting locale, that comparisons between the two are tenuous at best. There is nothing in the book that will make me a better hiker. It does have its funny spots, but overall, it's setting is incidental to a real hiker. After a while, I grew to dislike the question. Humanity struggles to find connection with others, so those that have read the book are going to ask the question, because they want to be connected with this glorious and awe inspiring undertaking. The negative aspect of this is that there is nothing to connect the two. Referring to the book as 'a great hiking book' only
reveals the lack of experience the speaker has concerning the woods.
This last point or two are entirely subjective to me. Granted, the other arguments are from my own point of view as well, but these two events touch a nerve with me. First of all, I love gear. I love it. I love talking about it, looking at it, trying it out, finding what more I could do to lose a few extra ounces. Every ounce counts, after all. Bill Bryson actively discouraged people from talking gear with him. He definitively stated that he hated doing it. I can't really understand that. If you're carrying your means of life on your back, and someone else is doing the same thing, but better, why wouldn't you want to do better yourself, and speak with them? This showed me a mindset that was firmly planted in a rut, with no intention of ever leaving for something better. Second of all, he did not cover much of the trail itself. At Newfound Gap (C and I cruised by at day 17), Billy Bryson and his imaginary friend leave for civilization, realize that they've only covered 200 miles (about 1/10th of the trail), and bail. They leave for VA. After hiking a little there, they leave again. Then Bryson slackpacks/dayhikes the Whites. The Whites are some of the hardest terrain on the trail, and even thru hikers that get to this point are relegated to about 10 mile days. So he decided to do it with no pack, dayhiking around and getting picked up at night.
At the end of the book, Bill Bryson states (I won't get word for word, because I can't perfectly remember, but the gist is the same): "I don't care what anyone else says: I hiked the AT." No sir, no you didn't. My friend the Professor has hiked the AT. He started in May, 2007, and he finished hiking Jan 2, 2008. He started in GA, hiked to VA, flipped to Katahdin, hiked down to VA, and flipped back up to finish at a special place in NY, where he placed his father's ashes, after having carried them 2,175 miles. The Professor is a Thru Hiker. He has hiked through snow, rain, heat, and battled climbs and a bad ankle injury (that may never get better). He has lost 45 lbs. He has hiked the AT. Bill Bryson, with your 800 miles, some of that (half? 1/3? 2/3? 1/4?) of that slack/day hiking, you sir, you did not hike the AT. You are a section hiker. I am a section hiker. We, together, are section hikers. I hope one day to say that I am a Thru Hiker. But until that day, when I stand on Baxter Peak on Mt. Katahdin, after hiking 2,175 miles from Springer Mountain, I am not a Thru Hiker. Bill Bryson, please do not cheat the Professor, or any other thru hiker who had had the grit and perseverance to attack and vanquish this monster hike, by setting yourself in their midst. They are a group that deserves the most profound respect, and I can not, I can not like a fellow that places himself in their league with less than half of their miles under his belt. That is why I dislike Bill Bryson.